Assange Me 🙅♂️ Not
OK, this is a bit recycled but Julian Assange’s recklessness may have cost lives. (I know there's no evidence of that — what I'm saying is not true — but if Mike ‘pénis’ Pence can do it) I'll just ignore the fucking facts that don't support my well-paid position as a portly pretentious ponce! 😑
And, of course, I'll denigrate anyone who supports Assange or questions his abuse by authorities with another tired trope of ‘usual crowd of natural supporters’ so they can be dismissed as not to be taken seriously ‘rich’ actors, ‘preachy’ human rights persons and (worst of all) ‘professional’ activists. Assange belongs to the tribe of ‘celebrities’ (much much worse). 😱
I'll also go all ‘duttonesque’ and dump on the ABC for having the fucking temerity to present facts and view-points not endorsed by Sky News. They covered his ‘dramatic’ release and the ‘huge’ publicity of his return as he transcends being a ‘darling of the glitterati’ to a ‘national’ figure. 😱
All this attention is intolerable — people don't even remember my name! And that's just not fucking fair! 😠
The ABC could barely contain its elation, with wall-to-wall coverage! How dare they consider this news-worthy!? Patricia Karvelas even said it was the biggest political story of the week — completely ignoring prosaic info about inflation and interest rates — both with heaps more impact on Aussie battlers (just don't mention Robodebt! 😝) than a ‘feted felon’ (that was a good one, wasn't it mummy? Getting a little stiffy 🥕 already, mummy!). ☺️
To further belittle truth and justice, I'll say that Assange’s repatriation was an exercise in ‘stage management’ and ‘faux-gravitas’ to make his Hollywood ‘acolytes’ proud (I can make anything less-legitimate that way). And to make things even worse, he spoke with the Prime Minister on his return! 😱
I'll keep on lying and claim that the Assange saga was a flagrant violation of the consular principle that Aussies who fuck-up overseas should be treated equally by the government (doing so requires moral gymnastics but who cares that it was only applied equally to him when even Barnaby 🐷 Joyce acknowledged the injustice of his treatment).
But not everyone in the media are on team-Julian …
To Julian Assange, who is today being celebrated by the unions, the Greens and the teals as a hero journalist, when in reality he is an irresponsible traitor who risked the lives of American sources working in high-risk war zones in oppressive regimes. Dimwitted Sky News host Sharri Markson (not comprehending he was an Aussie).
So there! 👍
The fact that Assange is a criminal is of no concern to his admirers. (See? I can completely ignore the fact that it was WikiLeaks that exposed the Collateral Murder of at least a dozen civilians by racist American troops who were never charged). And we all know what's really important because the victims were dirty Arabs! Not white (i.e., clean) anglo-saxon christians! I'll also ignore the fact that the US military supported the killing of unarmed civilians with their ever evolving ‘Rules of Engagement’.
I mean, Assange was barely off the plane before his solicitors started to ignore the significance of his ‘conviction’. Real ‘heroes’ don't risk their own life and liberty! Real Aussie heroes like Ben Roberts-Smith 🇦🇺 are ‘the man’.
I can also crap 💩 on about legalese (and ignore the actions by Daniel Ellesberg who did the same as Assange but was ratified by American courts). And I pretend that Ellesberg was a journalist but Assange was not. 🙄
I also plumb the depths of dishonesty stating the fact that un-redacted names of ‘intelligence sources’ (sounds super impressive) shows how ‘wickedly reckless’ Assange was and, again, ignore the C🪨al-ition's key role in the Afghanistan/Iraq mis-adventure that was a debacle from start to finish (not to mention the Taliban won) and anyone killed died for absolutely nothing.
I'll even get tricky (can I suckle 🤱 your tatties now mummy? Please mummy, please!) pretending to be a fucking wordsmith and rewrite history because, technically, no evidence was presented at the ‘plea deal’ hearing I'll say there should have been! Howzat! (my hand is on it now mummy 🥕). Saying things like ‘this wasn't a fact-finding exercise or forensic process’ in order to discredit it which makes me look super smart!
I smart aren't I, mummy? Tell me I'm smart mummy … mummy?
Anyway, all this was a just another lie because the head of the Information Review Task Force investigated Chelsea Manning's 2010 disclosures (i.e., the information she gave to WikiLeaks) and said …
No instances were ever found of any individual killed by enemy forces as a result of having been named in the releases. US government evidence at Manning's 2013 sentencing.
I'll now remind you that I were [sic] a very important person (before failed PM Chairman Mal Turnbull fucked me over) by saying I used to know secret stuff! And Australian intelligence agencies told me it was ‘likely’ Assange’s leak cost lives. They were wrong but I'll keep the lie going because those murdered in Baghdad by US forces mean nothing. So, you don’t need to be an intelligence professional 🤣 to understand how Assange endangered those whose identities he exposed (obviously that's not true but hey, if the Chaser and Osama Bin Laden can do it).
I can also (and with a straight fucking face) denigrate anyone supporting Assange (or at least voicing concerns about his treatment) by hectoring away using the points of criticising language formulated by progressives (See? Just wrap your lies in their language and you can say anything). 😂
But I'll start this pilfering 🤣 from whack-jobs of a conservative ilk having paranoid convictions about the deep state, believing they're above the law (like the Liberals), refusing to accept the integrity of the legal process (like John ‘coward’ Howard), being self-righteously egocentric (like ScoMo), with the same ‘creepy’ narcissism (got that one from a lefty ABC female journo! 😜), the acolytes of cultish devotion (like Sky News viewers) with the same vaguely fascistic fist(ing) salute (just don't point out that fascism comes from the right and clenched fists are a universal symbol of workers)!
Apparently, Afghanistan is a country of translators and interpreters because every single person that’s coming in, that’s what they say is this person is: a translator and interpreter … [The idea of asylum comes from] the fraudulence of our elites … One of the things they will tell you is, yeah, a lot of the translators and interpreters who helped us were great guys … [But really] a lot of the interpreters who said they were helping us were actively helping terrorists plant roadside bombs, knowing our routes. The idea that every person in Afghanistan, even those who said they were helping us, are actually good people is a total joke. VD Vance destroying my entire argument & credibility.
But, as always, I'll ignore all that and finish strongly by reminding you to not let sentiment (facts or truth) blind you to the brutal BS 😝 that Julian Assange gambled with the lives of lots of uncelebrated people (the exact same people VD Vance says should not be allowed into America because they're ‘unsuitable’) but who had the courage to help the likes of Ben Roberts-Smith and his drinking buddies (but whom we also wouldn't dream of letting into our own pristine anglo-centric community after we destroyed theirs) as we fought murderous baddies like the fucking Taliban (who fucking won).
I are liar. I have no dignity or integrity so hear me roar. Mummy, did you hear me? Can I suckle 🤱 now mummy? Please mummy! I need your attachment parenting! … Mummy?
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