Parliament is Full o🍌 Wankers
A former ScoMo government staff member sacked for masturbating over, and ejaculating semen onto, the desk of a female MP has reported to police that he is a victim of revenge porn. The man claims no one would have known whose spunk it was if his ex-lover hadn't dobbed him in with graphic video evidence of the shameful lewd act. 🫤
Film of the man wanking 💦 over the desk was broadcast on Channel 📺 10. The spraying of semen follows a series of serious incidents, if not established parliamentary practices, which have been condemned. Prominent pollies asked if they could watch the video first, before commenting on anything.
But, Executive Assistant Minister for Children & Families (yes, you read that right 👵) Michelle Laundry, defended the sacked ‘swordsman’ staffer, telling journos that while she was ‘absolutely horrified’ by the behaviour (I mean, imagine wasting fresh sprog on a desktop and not spraying it all over ma 🤱 tatties!?), she ‘felt bad for him about this’ because ‘he's a real [dropping “ly” off the adverb] good worker who loved the place [it turned him on].’
Conversely, not-long-to-serve Labor senator K. Keneally, was fucking apoplectic when she heard what Laundry said about feeling ‘bad’ for this wanker …
How about feeling bad for the cleaners who had to come in and clean after that disgusting mess? How about feeling bad for the female MP whose desk was disrespected? I’m left without [fucking] words that this is the [fucking] response.
Later, at a meeting with C🪨al-ition staffers, there was a plan for mandatory workplace health and safety training to ensure staff induction and professional conduct training because not everyone in modernity knows when and where they can masturbate (especially cweepy chwistians). 🥲
Earlier, another minister said the sex acts described were …
A disgusting and unacceptable culture, we have to pull it [pun not intended] out. That’s why we’ve a zero-tolerance approach on this masturbating matter. One employee was sacked. You just can't go around ejaculating wherever you want. It's that simple. C🪨al-ition clown 🤡 trying not to laugh.
Friends of the sacked masturbator, and former colleagues, say they are troubled by his mental health and for being in ‘a place so dark he can't find his dick.’ But, he's also receiving support with friends pulling his dick for him.
The Canberra based wanker and the former boyfriend met on the dating app Grindr. Both had sucked some cock and done other sex stuff in parliament. 😱
Most importantly, however, multiple sources within the federal Liberal government have said the sacked wanker remains very loyal to the C🪨al-ition.
He's a wanker. He belongs there — they're his tribe. John, a friend.
Even though revenge porn legislation is meant to protect victims of domestic violence, support also came from former boss Liberal MP Warren Entsch …
I'm so proud of him for having the courage to do this, to even speak to police. I hope this one day might mean he can get a job in politics back … I'm really worried about this whole episode. To me this whole incident and the way it has been portrayed amounts to ‘gay bashing.’ I think this would be treated differently by everyone if men and women [i.e., normal people] were doing this.
In stark contrast, journalist Patricia Karvelas was appalled 😱 by Entsch's remarks. She rejected outright that wanking and spunking over a woman's desk had anything to do with being gay and thought Entsch was being a jerk-off.
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