Royal Clown 🤡 Costumes
So it wasn't a long time ago but it was far fucking away — the coronation of eternal bridesmaid Charles III saw him finally out-dress the women in his life! And how fucking good is that! All it took was a fucking coronation and at least $100 million 💰 AUD. Charles, mate, you rock! 🎸
Let's face it … any bloke traipsing around in a fucking coronation tunic and a cream silk over-shirt deserves centre stage! And for someone overshadowed since boyhood — first, by his mum — then, by his fashionista (first) spouse — and more recently, the hotties his boys hooked up with — it was his turn!
But by the time he finally got around to finding his daks 👖 it wasn't full military attire he went with but, rather …
Preferring to enhance his ensemble with an array of priceless [fucking] accessories, including the red Robe of State, purple Robe of Estate and three-to-four [fucking] kilogram golden Imperial Mantle and Met Gala-worthy golden Super[fucking]tunica! Damien Woolnough, SMH.
And, sure, Catherine wearing Lady Di's pearl and diamond earrings that enhanced her ivory silk crepe Alexander McQueen dress was a challenge but Charles won the day by not letting her wear a fucking tiara!
Fucking princesses!? 👸 AMIRITE!? 🤣
But, as Geoff Robertson pointed out, the whole fucking thing was 🐂 💩 because the entire fucking ceremony is utterly unfuckingecessary — Charles already became king the moment his mum died. The coronation serves no purpose other than the superstition that god has to anoint him in order to run the Church of fucking England! 🏴 Oh, and, did you know that if he becomes an atheist, catholic, jew or muslim … he's no longer a fucking king!? 🤴
But, and get this — they hide this important bit by redacting the ‘divine appointment’ with a bunch of holy-grail halfwits rushing into Westminster fucking Abbey with a portable fucking tent (aka the anointing screen) for fuck's sake to cover the king and queen, her fucking hairdresser 😂 and the archfuckingbishop of Canterfuckingbury so the king (we're not making this up) can slip into a white fucking smock and be anointed with holy fucking oil imported all the fucking way from Jerusafuckinglem! 🫢. Although, and please note, the oil's ambergris-free because he's a climate king and won't kill any whales trying to smell fucking nice! So, there's that. Hoorah! 👏
They then do the same shyte to the queen's head (hence the royal fucking 💇♀️ hairdresser) and the king gets dressed back into his regal robe costume in order to magically reappear and swear some sort of god-bothering oath, sit on his throne and be homaged by the 2000 punters in attendance. Finally, they both get led by a bunch of swordsmen to the gold coach to party with family at Buckingfuckingham Palace. 🥳 🎉
Charles and co.'s surname isn't actually ‘Windsor’ — it's ‘Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’ and Australia's (as opposed to, say, Austria's) head of fucking state is Anglo fucking German. 🇩🇪 OK … 🤔
Look, we're not saying these are the worst people in the fucking world (ignoring that creep Randy Andy, obviously) but for fuck's sake — children are dying everywhere and we're worried about a bunch of rich fucking white people and their fucked-up family? Seriously!? Give all the ‘working’ 🤣 royal clowns a million fucking quid (except Andrew, obviously), make 'em pay their own fucking rent, thank 'em for their service and then … fuck 'em off forever!
Special mention mutton dressed as …
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