Royal 🤴 Frog 🐸 Kissing 😘
Outlets like SMH, New York Post and The Telegraph have been kind enough to let us know that just when you thought it was safe to marry a prince … Über-creepy 💋 kisser and genital piercing namesake prince Albert II (aka Bertie), of some tax-haven called Monaco, has been up to no good, according to his erstwhile accountant. You've been warned ladies — this ain't no fucking fairy-tale! 🧚
Making things worse, his wife Charlene 👸 is spending like a bank employee with a pokie 🎰 addiction. The so-called ‘princess’ is an erstwhile Olympic swimmer full of regret and botox and has been identified by the ex-accountant Claude Palmero as being on shopping spree of Kardashian proportions. Oh, and she's exploited her staff servants in case you felt any sympathy for her having married the wrong frog prince charming dead-shit.
Palmero has produced accounts, recorded in five secret notebooks during his 20 years working as the royal 🫠 family's ‘property manager', along with some colourful commentary packaged and published in French newspapers Le Monde and Libération with articles titillatingly titled like ‘The Fall of the Man Who Knew Too Much’. Aha 😂 aha 🤪 aha 😜 aha 😝 aha 🤣 ha!
This grubby situation follows Palmero's dismissal in 2022. But Palmero, himself, can be seen as a self-serving prick because he claims he'd been increasingly critical of royal corruption ‘for years’ — yet he still worked for them — his real complaint is about getting rissoled. 🍔 He bitterly told Le Monde that ‘It was necessary to remove me with great fanfare’ — and they fucking did. Although, the ‘official’ palace version of events suggests Palmero ‘resigned.’
The royal accountant was also part of a group of some of Bertie's besties — the so-called Gang of Four who were allegedly involved in money laundering and manipulating the Monaco property market — worth a fucking lot! 🤑
Regardless, Palmero still says princess Charlene over-spends her annual allowance with examples like more than $1.4mil AUD for renovating her office — in her Monte Carlo palace — and another $1.4mil AUD for redecorating her Corsican holiday shack. Since getting hitched in 2011, Palmero reckons she's blown the better part of $20mil! Fuckin’ ‘ell! 😮
And Charlene's splurging has extended to her yarpie family too — sending $millions to South Africa to help out the relos — including $1.5mil AUD to her drop-kick brother. Her generosity doesn't extend to the afore mentioned employees but because most of them were illegal immigrants — even the nannies for her prince and princess twin cunt fucking kids (and don't they look like a couple of fucking socially inept ra-tards). But by underpaying her staff she got to spend almost $1mil AUD on her children's fucking baptism. 😮
[There's even] a moonlighting Filipino woman who ties up dogs in the shower. Claude Palmero, unemployed accountant.
Not to be outdone but, good old Bertie is his own tenacious spendthrift. His mum, princess Grace (who liked a bit o’ eight-day-clock like Lady Di, apparently — and good on ‘er for doing so!), married some short-arse bloke called Rainier and their royal fucking issue has turned out like a jumped-up Eurotrash piece of rip-off fucking bullshit porno!
Bloke married his fucking mum. 😱
Palmero also claims Bertie's got a secret bank account under the initials ‘AG’ to pay off shielas he's been rooting on the side and that he doesn't believe in condoms any more than fidelity because he keeps producing extra-marital offspring. He, at least, pays them well — over $500k AUD a year for a couple of them. And he gave one ex-girlfriend almost $5mil AUD for a New York flat and invested in another's London fashion startup. Clearly, he respects these women. Aha 😂 aha 🤪 aha 😜 aha 😝 aha 🤣 ha!
Palmero's even described princely funds for a secret ‘bachelor apartment’ and over $1mil AUD per year for ‘special funds’ and ‘secret missions’ like paying off dodgy cops for useful info and buying back compromising dick-pics etc.
Palmero's currently suing Bertie for ‘immense moral damage, injury and disruption to living conditions.’
For whatever good (and there be fuck-all evidence of that anywhere) ‘royalty’ does anyone (other than money grubbing cunts) isn't it time to pull the fucking plug on these self-serving mo-fos? Invest all their wealth in interest bearing accounts and underwrite underprivileged children or public hospitals. 🤨
Like our Mary, Charlene has talked about her life before and after princessing (to Tatler in this instance) claiming that she wasn't in the ‘emotional place’ for a relationship, but that when she met good old Bertie, she ‘felt a profound sense of destiny [to spend a lot of fucking money in exchange for waking up next to this fat fucking dogrooter]’.
Not to mention that all this started in 2011 as a complete fucking joke with the French media calling Charlene the ‘runaway bride’ after claiming she was detained against her will trying to flee Monaco just before the wedding — supposedly because she'd found out Bertie was rogering another air hosty on the side — and had got her up the duff 🤰🏼 too!
But their ludicrous $100 million nuptials went ahead with princess Charlene wearing a fucking Giorgio Armani Privé gown adorned with 20,000 pearl ‘teardrops', 30,000 gold stones and 40,000 Swarovski fucking crystals.
Children are dying all over the world because they can't get enough to fucking eat. But poor old princess Charlene was seen crying after the absurd
weddingevent and rumours spread that the two fucking royal ra-tards slept in different hotels — on their fucking honeymoon. Aha 😂 aha 🤪 aha 😜 aha 🤣 ha!
Some journo even seriously compared Bertie and Charlene's union to the afore mentioned fairy fucking tale marriage of Bertie's fucking parents …
The reality is that Albert is a bit overweight, and much less glamorous than his [podgy
5.5"tall ] father was. It feels like a love story of an old man and a young woman rather than two young … Philippe Delorme being so frenchy so chic.
Anyway, these clowns 🤡 fucking deserve each other. Charlene's been a real fucking princess from the start — struggling to adjust to her royal role and complaining the local A-listers were jealous and didn't appreciate her South African mentality and humour (no one in the history of the known fucking universe has ever done that). Aha 😂 aha 🤪 aha 😜 aha 😝 aha 🤣 ha!
And while these two fuckwits do have their royal heirs, their entire marriage has been a fucking drama. Not the least because Bertie's love-children — the latest from some sheila he shafted in a Rio nightclub — just keep popping up!
Poor old Charlene's now shaved half her fucking head. As SMH said, this … ‘was either a cry for help, or a statement that she would no longer play by the royal rules.’ Seriously? Who fucking cares? And it's not like she's a hard worker. In fact, Bertie's now saying she's too ‘unwell’ for ‘official duties.’ Apparently, but, well enough to live in Switzerland most of the fucking time and not wear her wedding 💍 ring while still spending, fucking big!
Meanwhile, counter allegations continue against Palmero …
I never took a cent. This is a 100 percent denial. I am neither corrupt nor a thief, all improbable things of which the princely family, for whom I devoted myself for two decades, unjustly accuses me today. Claude Palmero, proclaiming his innocence to Le Monde.
Whatever the outcome with all this fucking 💩 …
It’s not as if the citizens of Monaco are going to stage a revolt … Ozstraaylia! 🐨 🦘 🇦🇺 we need to be a replublic — now!
- ↜ Previous: Rewired 🧠 Brain
- ↝ Next: Podcast No 🚫 Mo'