The C🪨al-ition
Australia is uniquely blessed with natural resources. We know this because god gave it to us and not the Aborigines who were here first! Iron, gas and especially coal are Australia's top three commodity exports but we suck the coal cock the deepest. Coal gets us wet. Coal rocks!
And only ScoMo's government will support and grow Australia’s resources sector. Only a ScoMo government can guarantee that we will not put regions and jobs dependent on resource exploitation at risk of any positive change.
A re-elected Coal-ition government will maintain a business environment that supports mining investment at the expense of people and the environment through favourable tax settings that help people cunts like Gina Rhinehart fend off their ungrateful offspring trying to gain control of billions of dollars that none of them have any right to. Climate change is a fucking myth BTW.
Coal is the only Blak you need! C🪨al-ition slogan/tagline/mission statement.
We'll continue to identify and promote new natural gas basins and, especially, coal provinces for development and support of of Australia’s greenhouse gas storage potential, which will enable low emissions green gas production. 😆 OK, so the technology doesn't actually exist but we'll offer ludicrous tax exemptions for those investing in the sector so people who know each other from rich boarding schools can catch up and live in Sydney's enclaves for the wealthy and powerful but not for fools actually dumb enough to pay taxes.
And, we'll continue to streamline (i.e., undermine) environmental and planning approval processes to reduce green (see what we did there?) tape while maintaining high environmental standards based on bullshit. It'll also serve as a distraction when we give billions to other mates running offshore detention centres or pretending to be government contractors and advisers.
Using pithy catchphrases designed to favour limited intellects we'll deliver our (imaginary) technology (not taxes) like the Long Term Emissions Reduction Plan (so long term no one alive today will be around to complain it never achieved anything) and incentivise the resources sector (i.e., the mining oligarchy) to adopt new technologies by letting them maximise all profit by never ever having to pay tax again — never fucking ever.
Our wives and cunt fucking kids would fucking leave us if we couldn't buy holiday homes in Aspen any more! 🫠
We'll also support sensible (i.e., totally in our favour) reforms reducing regulatory barriers, get major projects up and running sooner and allow business to grow and create jobs because trickle down economics is fucking great! 👍
A re-elected Coalition Government will do nothing to diminish the obscene amounts of profit payable to already filthy rich cunts (ergo., no tax!). And NO concessions to climate change because it's a fucking myth. Our lies are designed to create fear which is always justified as we are the blonde beasts!
Our resources sector faces a real threat from the evil of egalitarianism because public wealth should always be in private hands. The Australian people have the choice between the Morrison Government that is delivering a strong and unsustainable fascist economy or — a better future for all Australians.
Our Plan for Australia 🫵
Become a world leading supplier of minerals and energy to the detriment of health, society and education. Our resources sector has enriched the lives of industrialists and regional communities pastoralists and helped lift millions in the Indo-Pacific region to just above the poverty line where they belong. Mining employs hundred of thousands of workers and indirectly supports the jobs of over a million others, most of which are lower mid to low range paid.
A Re-Elected Coal-ition Government Will … 🫵
Create a business environment that supports unchecked and unaccountable growth of Australia’s minerals and energy sector to promote us as the best place to invest based on stable (i.e., no tax) settings and a flexible and fair industrial relations system that obliterates worker unions while delivering record pork barreling to flow to our mates, supporters and donors.
Invest in our Mining Regions & Communities 🫵
The Coalition is investing heavily in projects that will turbocharge our regional mining communities. By keeping these people uninformed and less educated, they're a guaranteed source of reactionary support during elections. While continuing to make the most of traditional mining industries, we are positioning our mining regions to seize opportunities in emerging industries such as atomic waste — the less environmentally friendly, the better!
We will continue to invest in the essential services that mining communities rely on: health, education and … women’s safety. 😉
Streamline Regulation to get Projects Moving 🫵
Resource projects and operations demand strict, often complex, regulation. Creating an environment conducive to sustained investment requires regulation that is administratively efficient and meets community expectations and strong environmental standards is impossible. But, because our government recognises the challenges some resource companies are experiencing in sourcing financial products, such as affordable insurance, we'll let them do whatever they want, wherever they want. Those stupid enough to pay tax, deserve to pay to clean up the fucking mess! 👏
Some lies are easier to believe than the truth. Frank Herbert, Dune Messiah.
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